Whether you’re 21, 51, or 101, Life is just too short.
Norm Maguire was a lifetime friend of my Father’s. Since the 4th grade, they’ve been virtually joined at the hip, and he’s been a part of my life for as long as I can remember. When my father moved to europe for business, Norm and his family were right beind. When they moved to lafayette, they lived near one another. Later they started working in houston and of course he lived just a 3 minute drive from my Dad’s home.
My best memories of Norm are barbeques and vacations. He was a guy who just emanated fun. His affable personality, quick wit and sardonic sense of humor were always welcome. He was also a family man extraordinaire. He worked himself dizzy for his kids, doing whatever he could to help them chase down their passions.
He was a star athlete in high school and his knowledge of football was bottomless and impressively up to date. His commentary was way more interesting than any TV buff…the classic image of Norm talking football with a Miller Lite in hand will never be lost to me.
Norm was also an awesome cook. He could cook up a storm(the nickname ‘Stormin-Normin’ had many applications). He was always hosting our family for holidays and get togethers, and the food was always awesome.
Also, Norm was an amazing friend to my father. He always knew how to make light of a situation whilst showing genuine care and concern. Him and my dad would meet up at norm’s back porch, drinking miller lite out of frosty mugs and smoking…talking out the problems of life, work, and the world. I hated the smoke, but loved following their conversations.
No one ever imagined a life without Norm. He was taken from us far too early. I always took it for granted that he would be there…supporting everyone…telling me in a half-laugh…putting emphasis on all the right words, “Hey, man…you do what you gotta do!”. I’m shocked at the loss and wish I could be there to support our friends and family. God bless you, Norm, you were a really, really great guy.
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It’s strange being so far away from loved ones during a loss. I struggle for a sense of closure, and i usually end up finding it by asking myself, ‘What can I take from this loss’?
Norm’s death has come at a time when i’m really struggling with the development of the library. I can’t seem to get anything moving in my direction. It’s like trying to swim upriver…and the current is strong. No matter how hard i swim I can’t seem to make things move. Resources are few, weather is always bad, and transport has been a hell of an issue.
A lot of the problems i experience come from a certain person I work with. I actually spent the hardest part of dealing with Norm’s loss while I was riding in the dark, this person taking me back up the mountain in a truck, me trying not to show signs of my grief. The trip took about 2 hours, and I didn’t say much.
The experience actually did a lot to strengthen my resolve against the problems I experience at my school. Life is too short. It’s true no matter what your age. There is no point in living wearily of the consequences of your actions. My friend Rory is always quoting Sartre, along the lines of “there is nothing in your present self that ties you to the actions of your former self. Live unrestricted.”
Somehow Norm’s death is pushing me towards a similar conclusion. I can’t live life restricted. If i am restricted, i can’t make change. If i can’t make change, i am wasting my time in Africa. What am i doing in Africa, missing my brother’s wedding, missing the funerals of loved ones, if not to make things a little better here? If I live life restricted, the sacrifices i’ve made will have had no purpose. I can not live my life always pulling on the reins. Some times it’s wisest to let loose.
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I received word today that the books that were supposed to be waiting in the Ministry of Education conference room are not there. Every day my principal had planned a trip in the school vehicle, it began raining. He would tell me he couldn’t pick up the books in the rain(he has a cover, but it still leaks…it is a fair enough excuse). Unfortunately, Khotso’s truck has been out of commission as well. I never received a single call from the ministry of education offices, but was told by another volunteer that my books were there. Today, i’m told they are gone. No one was able to give me answers as to where they are and who might know where they are. Poof. Like magic.
I’m furious. I’m tired of trying to swim upstream, ‘respecting culture’, making sure i’m liked, putting on a face, but all the while not being respected. It’s time to let go of the reins and make things happen. Khotso and I are going to the ministry tomorrow. If i don’t get straight answers, heads will start to roll.
UPDATE:
The library is fine. Some of the books were brought up today, and the rest should come tomorrow.
The scare was just a result of my Principal’s tendencies as a pathological liar. The day before this news, i asked him to stop by the ministry of education while he was in the lowlands, to check in on the books and let them know that they would be picked up as soon as the weather would permit. The next day, he gave me the news that ‘the books were not there’. After spending the day in a panic, i went down friday with Khotso to trace down the books. They were in the exact room, the exact place where they were supposed to be. I was also given an envelope to ‘please deliver to the principal’ indicating that he made no visit the day before. Why he would lie and make up such a story, i have no idea.
The worst part is, he also told a teacher that he was ‘unable to turn in the paperwork’ to the ministry of education that would ensure she would be on payroll because ‘they only accept the papers on tuesdays’. Right…because that makes sense…god forbid the ministry hold on to some papers until a tuesday. This poor lady. She has been promised to get on payroll for over a year.
Still, i am advised not to confront him, and am effectively locked in a prison of inaction.(I should admit it’s a touch self-constructed)
Life. It’s complicated.
r
{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }
Hi Ryan,
My most sincere condolences on the passing of your dear friend Norm. And I am sorry that you were so far away from home during this time. I share in the feeling of what it is like to miss major family events/occasions because of geographical distance. But that does not mean that during this difficult time that you all were not “together”… I am sure Norm’s family, your Dad, and yourself were together in spirit, love, and memories. Hold on to and cherish those.
I am delighted to hear that library books are in Lesotho and that you are in the beginning stages of bringing the books to the library and setting it up. I hope this will be a project that you will capture in photos!
I wish I had some advice about your predicament. Other then some words of encouragement to “hang in there” and “keep your head up and keep optimistic” please know that you are in our thoughts and we hope that the completion of the library will outshine the negative on goings.
Be well Ryan! And stay warm, I hear it is quite cold there!
I hope, as you look through the books. you will see many that you held close to your heart. The words in the books could carry you away to another world when things were not as you had planned. I hope these books nurish the soul, and minds of these children as they did you, so they can live another life, or see the world through different eyes, and words, making the mind stronger.
The best things in life are a stuggle, and when all the i’s are doted and the t’s are crossed something of beauty will lie ahead. “An education is the only thing that someone can not take from you”, wise words that Nanny repeated to me often.
It will come together, and when it is done you will know that this was one of the many things God had you do while you were here. Most of all, when you look back you will see that he had your back the whole time. Love and hugs….